Several weeks ago an elderly Spanish man did something that now causes the power in my kitchen to go out several times a day.  I called him to fix a chandelier, but in doing so, he caused an imbalance in the cosmic force that governs the electricity in my kitchen.  Butterfly effect?  I have no idea as I never saw that Ashton Kutcher movie.

So, last night I was faced with a dilemma.  I had a four pound pork shoulder, some red Hawaiian sea salt, the unnerving desire to use my crock pot…and an unreliable power source.  I think all would agree that I had no choice but to plug the cooker in next to my bed.

It was a meaty, bubbly night.  I woke several times and fretted over the pork’s temperature and progress as if it were a sickly infant, and the blue glow from the display panel kept me on edge.  But, I believe, like any animal who eats its young, it was worth the effort.

`Okole maluna.

Hawaiian Pork Buddy

*This recipe is dedicated to Shawn Doherty

• 4-5 pounds boneless pork shoulder, skin on
• 5 slices thick-cut bacon
• 1 Tbs-1.5 Tbs coarse red Hawaiian salt
• 5 garlic cloves, peeled

1. Line the bottom of a slow cooker with bacon.
2. Rub the pork generously with the salt.
3. Cut slits into the port and push the garlic in.
4. Place the pork, skin side up into the slow cooker.
5. Cook on low for 16 hours.
6. Remove the pork from the liquid that has accumulated.
7. Take off the skin and fat and set aside.
8. Shred the pork into a clean bowl.
9. Taste and adjust seasoning by adding a small amount of the crock pot liquid.
10. If you’re a wild beast (like me) remove the fat from the skin and mix it through the pork.  The fat tastes sooooo good.

Enjoy!

*I want this sooo bad.

This is two straight weeks of pancakes, but I’m trying to get it right.  “Pancakes for all proclivities” is my motto.  Not really, but here’s another recipe anyway.

These are made with four ingredients: Coconut flour, eggs, salt, and gluten-free baking powder.  Super simple.  And it makes two big pancakes.  There’s no bullshit commitment to a huge batch.  You’re not left pondering where it’s all went wrong with a plate of twenty-seven pancakes, suddenly realising you’re completely alone in the universe.  Nope, this is a meal for one.  Possibly two; if you have a small child who will take one bite and then tell you “nope”, and to basically go stuff yourself.

I like them though.  They are nice with a little butter and maple syrup, but best as a savoury base.  I topped mine with cheddar cheese and a fried egg.  I have no groceries in my house, but this hit the spot.

Try it!  I hope you like them.  I you don’t, go stuff yourself.

Savoury Coconut Flour Pancakes

• 3 Eggs
• 2 Tbs coconut flour
• 2 pinches salt
• 1/8 tsp baking powder
• butter/ghee/coconut oil for cooking

1. Mix all ingredients to a smooth batter.
2. Heat a pan over medium heat and melt your fat of choice.
3. Pour in half the batter, and cook for two minutes.
4. Flip and cook for another minute.
5. Repeat with the remaining batter.

I’m not oblivious to the fact that this blog has devolved into a self-piteous testament to my homesickness.  But please cut me some slack.   It IS, after all, the 4th of July.  I am missing barbecues, my town’s 10K race, and some sort of red, white, and blue jello salad.

If I were in the grand old US of A, somebody somewhere would definitely have a pool, and they might even invite me over for a swim.  A dog or two would be dressed up (against his or her will) like Abraham Lincoln.  There’d be a small parade, with a high school marching band in suffocating polyester uniforms and elaborately adorned shakos.  At least one child from that marching band would pass out, mid-tuba-blow, from heatstroke.  There would be hot dogs, hamburgers, and hope that the one guy everyone loves to hate will toss a firecracker down his pants, or at least into his mouth.  All that is missing from my ultra-comforting vision is me…drawing a penis in the inky night sky with the trailing glow of a sparkler.

But, I’m in London. My only plans are taking some crappy English breakfast tea to the river and dumping it in.  If I’m alone I will surely shout, “NO TAXATION WITOUT REPRESENTATION!” and “WE HAVE IT IN OUR POWER TO BEGIN THE WORLD OVER AGAIN!  But really, that’s not what the 4th is about.

It’s about this:  Sitting under the stars with your big sister, getting nibbled by mosquitos as fireworks explode way up above.  A man in a cowboy hat screams “WHEEE!!” every single time a firework goes off.  It’s about your sister, waiting for the perfect, moment to say in her loud, clear, sweet, twelve-year-old voice, “He mister, you watch them, you don’t ride them.”

Or at least that’s what it’s about to me.

All is not lost though.  When the sun goes down, I have one sparkler left.

Happy belated 4th of July.

Smoked Haddock mini pies/frittatas

• 300 g/.65 lbs smoked haddock
• 50 ml/1/4 cup milk or cream
• 2 TBS coconut oil
• 2 leeks cleaned and thinly sliced
• 1 garlic clove crushed
• 2 tsp fresh horseradish grated or 1TBS horseradish sauce
• 1/4 cup parmesan cheese grated
• 1/4-1/2 tsp salt
• ground black pepper

1. Preheat oven to 180C/350F and grease 8 muffin holes.
2. Put the smoked haddock in a shallow dish and pout milk or cream over it.
3. Cover with foil and cook for 15 minutes.
4. Drain and set aside, allowing the fish to cool.  Once cool, remove skin and flake into pieces.
5. Heat the coconut oil and add the leeks and garlic.
6. Cover and salute for five minutes until the leek is softened, then remove the lid and cook off the liquid.
7. Beat the eggs with the salt and pepper.  Add 2 TBS parmesan cheese, horseradish, and flaked fish.
8. Pour into the eight holes of the muffin tin.
9. Sprinkle the remaining parmesan over the muffin/pies.
10. Bake for 20-25 minutes.
11. Allow to cool a few minutes  before removing from the muffin tin.
12. Top with a mini sparkler.
13. Delicious.