This recipe is not my own. It’s very closely adapted from the meatloaf recipe in Da-Hae and Gareth West’s cookbook, “K Food.” It’s delicious. The best meatloaf, hands down, I’ve ever eaten. And I like meatloaf. I’m that kind of person. Wide-hipped, American, quick to violence. But don’t let that deter you, this Gochujang meatloaf is for everyone.
Make it immediately.
Also, Happy Easter, Happy April Fool’s Day, and Happy Dyngus Day. I hope you all dream of a 2001 Jake Gyllenhaal whipping your bottom with pussy willows while the rabbit from Donnie Darko watches.
Gochujang Meatloaf
500 grams minced pork
3 spring onions, minced
6 garlic cloves, minced
1 tsp salt
1.5 TBS gluten-free gochujang (I have a recipe on this site.)
pinch of pepper
50 grams fresh gluten free breadcrumbs
1 egg
Preheat the oven to 180c/350f
Mix all the above ingredients and pat into a greased 1lb loaf tin and bake for 40-45 minutes.
Take from the oven, and using a chopstick, poke lots of holes over the top of the meatloaf and pour over the glaze recipe. (Glaze recipe below.)
Glaze Recipe
1.5 TBS apricot jam
1 TBS gochujang
.5 TBS honey
1 tsp gluten free soy sauce
1 minced garlic clove
1/4 tsp sesame oil
.5 TBS apple cider vinegar
Mix all the ingredients together.
Pour the glaze over the cooked meatloaf, and return to the oven for 10-15 minutes.
I’m a late adopter…I’ve only now gotten used to the idea of skinny jeans, watching porn on my iPhone, and bacon as a condiment. Because I lag behind, I tend to seek the guidance of interesting, attractive, and functional women (or boy bands). And then I leech off their expertise like an asexual, yet bisexual, non-raping succubus. Does that make sense? To anyone? I mean, I have original thoughts, but they mostly involve stylish taxidermy. Anyway, I’m smart enough to surround myself with very smart people.
So, I’ve been stalking my friend Sofie for years. I’m not cool enough to emulate her personal style, and I don’t wrap myself in her bathrobe and try to hug her husband when I stay with them; but I blatantly rip off her decorating ideas, and I try to be as kind and as patient towards children as she is. (Even when they don’t deserve it.) And when I see her, I lie and pretend I eat well and exercise. She’s a good influence, even if I’m only thinking about following her lead.
These are a version of Sofie’s pancakes . I made them using up odds and ends from my kitchen. They’re not as delicious as hers, but I think that’s kind of how it should be.
Protein Pancakes
1/4 cup tapioca flour
1/4 cup collagen hydrolysate
2 TBS chia seeds
2 tsp coconut flour
1 TBS sugar
pinch of salt
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1 TBS olive oil
1/4 cup water
Combine dry ingredients and mix.
Whisk wet ingredients and combine with dry.
Mix until smooth batter forms.
Heat fat of your choice over medium heat.
Pour crepes to the size you like and cook until golden brown. 1-2 minutes per side.
I didn’t realise it was Tuesday until a few minutes ago. I’m back from my travels, but not entirely here. There’s jet-lag, homesickness, and an inability to cope when strangers don’t say “hello.” The South is not all sweet tea and roses, but folks are at least friendly. I could drone on and on, but I’ll get right to the point…here’s a fairly gross lobster salad recipe for you from the man in the above picture.
What drew me in (aside from Mr. Wilson’s pure joy at handling shellfish), was the missing and mysterious first cookbook. Would I be able to follow along, or would I be lost? But dam it to heck it felt delicious and dangerous to dive headfirst into Justin Wilson’s culinary soul without knowing his culinary past. Life is too short to not own this Cajun treasure.
So here is Justin’s lobster salad recipe. Please let me know if you try it because I never will.
*It makes me very, very angry he doesn’t specify an exact measurement of mayonnaise.
While I could go on indefinitely listing the people I would go nuts on, someday I might run for public office. Everyone can agree on Justin Trudeau and Psy as grade A ass, so I’m safe there. But truly delving into my sexual psyche might be too grim for the average person looking for a nice gluten-free pastry recipe. And let’s be honest, that’s 45 percent of the voting base.
Okay. Just two more. Patrick Wilson, and a man in a mid 90’s National Geographic photo spread dressed like a viking.
Now, this pasty recipe is a dear one from my childhood. When I was a little tot, I’d help my mom make the dough. I felt like a big kid, rolling it out and using the cookie cutter to shape heart cookies for valentine’s day. In a sweet stroke of luck, substituting rice flour for regular still tastes great.
Enjoy with your family and loved ones. Make a new tradition.
And Michael Pollan and the Weasley twins.
Pastry Hearts
250g butter, softened to room temperature
300g cottage cheese
2 cups rice flour
Preheat oven to 205c/400f
Mash it all together to make a well incorporated dough.
Refrigerate overnight.
Roll out to 2mm-3mm thickness, and cut into desired thickness.
Cook for 10-13 minutes.
Allow to cool slightly and frost. (frosting recipe below)
Yum.
Memories.
*You don’t have to cook the dough all at once. Savour. Take your time, it keeps well in the fridge.
Frosting Recipe
1/2 cup cream cheese
juice of 1/2 lemon
1 cup powdered sugar
Mix until smooth and frost your cookies.
Or eat seven spoonfuls and lose sight in your right eye.
**Also, I’d do Hanson. Even the wonky brother. I’m talking modern times. I’m not a monster.
I have a dear friend called Clau…well, I’ll call her “ChiChi Meringue.” She’s 45 percent of the reason I come back to Buffalo to visit, and is 80 percent of the reason I want to move back permanently. We go way back. ChiChi rescued me from living with a girl whose cat pissed on my bed, and then tried to cover it up by pouring ammonia over the mattress.
The years I lived with her were the best of my life. We cracked each other up, smoked marlboro lights, drank enough amaretto sours to be constantly phlegmy, cooked food together, and had opposite tastes in men. In other words, bliss.
There were, of course, a few bumps along our road.
Like the time we had a heated argument at four in the morning where I accused her of pulling a knife on me. Really, she was only making a tasty sandwich.
Then, there was the time I walked home from The Old Pink, drunk out of my mind. Along the way I picked up a stray cat. I believed the cat and I needed a fresh new beginning that could only be accomplished as team. ChiChi said “NO” to the cat, and I left him on the porch, miles from the life he had known.
And of course, arguing about something, (can’t remember what) where I punished her, (but mostly myself) by inexplicably sleeping in our clawfoot tub.
Wow. Seeing it in writing, I’m an absolute nightmare.
In honour of my beautiful, wonderful friend; here is her famous rice recipe. She’d make this when I’d be super sad after getting dumped by yet another man with frosted blond hair. So, at least twice a month for two years.
*This movie is messed up. Honestly. Think about it.
What’s your breaking point? Say you’re being interrogated- what could you withstand before spilling the goods? Not to brag, but I’m pretty good at letting people kick the shit out of me. My brother and sister taught me that just when you think can’t take any more kidney shots, you can be forced to eat some dog food.
I’m sure John and Bridget wouldn’t appreciate me going into all the gritty details of their methods. They are now both well respected members of their communities, who probably don’t want their childhood sadism outlined in their little sister’s blog. Besides, talking about it gives me a faraway look that lasts for days and days. And they have both said “sorry” in a way that makes it clear that I’m partially responsible for the abuse I suffered …so really, water under the bridge.
I don’t know if it was my mistreatment as a child, or simply my personality, but I’m a real pleaser. It makes me happy to make other people feel nice. I mostly accomplish this through preparing hearty meals for friends and sending fan mail to men in prison. There are pluses and minuses in seeking external validation. A big minus is that somebody else has to tell me when I’ve succeeded. A big plus is that within five minutes of a bank robbery, I would most certainly develop Stockholm Syndrome and endear myself to my captor. And, if I ever was kidnapped and tortured, there’d be no doubt in my mind the person pulling out my fingernails was doing it only because he or she really loved me…
Without further ado, a nice meal to serve your favourite captor.
Stockholm Syndrome Swedish Meatballs
2 TBS butter divided
1 TBS olive oil
1 onion, minced
1 lb/450g minced beef
1 lb/450g minced pork
1 tsp sea salt
1 cup cream divided
1/2 cup ground almonds
1 egg
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp allspice
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp cream of tartar
1/4 tsp white or black pepper
3 TBS rice flour
1 cup beef broth
1/2 TBS honey
1 bay leaf
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp white pepper
Ikea lingonberry jam (optional)
MEATBALLS
Preheat the oven to 375 F/180 C.
Saute onion in 1 TBS butter and 1 TBS olive over medium heat until softened. Allow to cool slightly.
Meanwhile mix together the meats, salt, 1/2 cup cream, almond meal, egg, nutmeg, allspice, baking soda, cream of tartar and black pepper. Mix it real good and incorporate the onion.
Roll into smallish balls. Think 1.5 tablespoon balls.
Arrange on a wire rack over a foil lined baking tray and bake for 20 to 25 minutes, until cooked through and lightly browned.
GRAVY
While the meatballs are cooking, make your gravy
Heat the remaining 1 TBS butter over medium heat and stir in the rice flour. Toast until nice and golden…around 2 minutes.
Stir in the broth, honey and bay leaf. Simmer for 3 minutes and add more broth if the gravy gets too thick.
Season with the salt and white pepper.
Remove from the heat and stir in the 1/2 cup remaining cream.
I also like to stir in the juices from the meatball tray because I am a depraved animal.
I like to serve this with mash and lingonberry jam. Pretend you’re duct-taped to a pine skogsta dining chair…smaklig maltid!
The Lunchadora 