Amazon recommends a lot of cookbooks to me because I buy a lot of cookbooks.  I don’t want to say I’m a cookbook addict…because I recently heard an interview with the “Friday Night Lights” author Buzz Bisinger who spoke about his addiction to leather fetish-wear, that was costing him upwards of $600,000 a year. He classified himself as having a shopping addiction.  I’m not quite there yet, but I did unwittingly buy a cookbook written by a reality star.

Let me start be saying the recipes look good.  However, I was unprepared for after page of Kristin Cavallari’s bra-lessness, it confused me. I wondered, “why is this super sexy, yet-vanilla looking chef wearing an unzipped denim romper in a greenhouse?  This page should have a picture of apple-fennel slaw on it, right?”  Then I saw her husband–uncomfortable and thick-necked.  He has to be a football player or something.

I’m not complaining.  It’s fine.  Simply put:  this cookbook is for you’d like nice recipes, and lots of pictures of a very attractive mother-of-three living in the Nashville area.

Chickpea Fries-I have modified this recipe to utilise ingredients I had available in my home.  If you would like the original recipe, contact Kristin Cavallari.

• 1 cup chickpea flour
• 2 cups chicken stock
• 1 1/2 TBS finely minced shallot
• 1 tsp Italian seasoning
• 1/2 tsp garlic powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• ground black pepper
• oil for frying

1. Put all the ingredients except for frying oil in a saucepan.
2. Whisk and heat over a medium flame until the mixture is thick, like polenta.
3. Pour mixture into a greased 24cmx16cm (9inx6in) pan.
4. Refrigerate and hour or so, or until firm.
5. Cut into thick fry shape.
6. Heat a few tablespoons of oil and fry the chickpea strips for 2 minutes per side.
7. Sprinkle with salt, and serve.

Nutritional Information:  (Based on 8)

• Calories: 183
• Fat: 16.1
• Carbs: 7.1
• Protein: 4.9

I just watched the State of the Union address.  Don’t worry.  This is a blog about food, and holistic pinworm remedies-not my pinko political belief system.  But I can’t resist a few bipartisan observations of the President’s speech:

1. It’s cringeworthy when a person claps for what they themselves have just said.  That’s the kind of thing high school football coaches do. “Now let’s get out there and wallop those WILDCATS!”  Don’t do it.  Show some restraint.
2. It’s a little okay to say “American heart,” or “American hands,” but never both in the same sentence.  The human brain will automatically compile a list of American body parts after more than one American body part is named.  “American fingers,” “American toes,” “American noses” “American bladders” “American penises.”  It’s distracting.
3. We all know the President meant “beautiful, clean (activated char)coal.”  Activated charcoal is a great detoxifier.  And it removes most stains from your teeth if you leave it on for 3-5 minutes.  The other kind of coal does none of those things.  Not making that clarification is lazy.

*Unrelated, but Happy Groundhog Day tomorrow.

Miso Pickles

• 3 small cucumbers washed and halved lengthways with the seeds scraped out
• diakon and/or carrots cut into batons
• 150g red miso
• 150g white miso
• 1TBS sake
• 1TBS honey
• 1/2tsp garlic power

1. Mix the misos, sake, honey, and garlic powder to form a thick paste.
2. Lay the vegetables, at most, two layers deep.
3. Completely coat the vegetables in the miso mixture.
4. Cover and leave 2-5 days.
5. Wash off the miso.  Enjoy.

Nutritional Information:  None.  Pickled vegetables have minimal calories, fat, etc.  If you’re eating enough pickled vegetables to sabotage your diet, you’re a hero.  And your pee smells awful.

I recently finished “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying” by Marie Kondo.  WHAT. A. HARD. BITCH.  I want to be a cross between her, Tilda Swinton, and Bill Murray.  And in lieu of getting my period for four days every month, I’d like to turn into an eagle instead.  But I digress.

The KonMari method asks you to look at every single thing you own.  If an item does not “spark joy,” or is not absolutely necessary;  you throw it away.  It sounds simple, but when you’re staring down the barrel of a handmade velour jumpsuit your grand-aunt sewed for you in 1987…well, you confront the demons of your past, and the inadequacies of your present self.  But I did what I had to do.

I feel lighter.  Almost free.  But very guilty.  It will help when I can physically take all my discarded items to a charity shop.  It pains me to pass by the pile of my unwanted belongings and see the prominently-nippled sculpture I purchased in rural florida eighteen years ago lying forlornly amongst a stack of vegan cookbooks.  All the weirdest, most unwelcome parts of myself are lounging around my living room, daring me to hide them again.  But I’m hard now.  There will be no turning back.

Brazilian Cheese Breads (pão de queijo)

This is a recipe from my friend Iveta.  Like KonMari she has it together.  I went to her house and she was like, “Oh, I just whipped a batch of these.” Now, it’s pretty had to just “whip up a batch of these,” but she’s an ace at everything.  Iveta even does perfect cartwheels and can use the rappelling apparatus at the playground without hurting herself.

But, these cheese breads…I’ve tried to get this recipe right for YEARS.  Trial and error  Nothing worked.  Now, thanks to Iveta, I have the holy grail of pão de queijo recipes.  Many thanks, Iveta.

• 300 g of tapioca flour
• 1 tsp fine sea salt
• 250 ml whole fat milk
• 125 avocado oil
• 2 large eggs, beaten
• 100 g grated cheddar

1. Preheat the oven to 200c/390f
2. Mix the salt and tapioca flour together and place in a free standing mixer bowl with the paddle attachment.
3. In a saucepan heat the oil and milk to just boiling.
4. Pour the liquid into the starch and beat for 10 minutes to bring down the heat.
5. Slowly add the egg a tablespoon at a time, until it is fully incorporated.
6. Add the cheese in two batches, still mixing until fully incorporated.
7. Place the mixture in the fridge for an hour or so to firm up.
8. Make into golfball sized rolls.
9. Bake on on a parchment lined tray for 10-12 minutes.
10. Allow to cool slightly before eating.

***These can be frozen on trays and transferred into baggies to cook at any time.