Category Archives: Beauty

All Posts, Beauty, Recipes, Why I'm So Lonely

Coconut and palm sugar mochi

Leave a comment

 

IMG_0153

*I bought this, and used it while I FaceTimed my sister.  My nose bled.

Not long ago, I visited a department store selling imported Japanese goods.  My primary objective was to collect cute bento accessories.  (Turned on?)

Unfortunately, I had no luck.  The store was 90 percent beauty products: anti-wrinkle, anti-acne, anti-moustache, anti-freckle.  There were skin lighteners, skin tanners, tooth whiteners, mouth wideners, pore strippers, ankle slimmers, cellulite fighters, eyebrow shapers, and nose hair removing kits.  It occurred to me, that in my case, it was too late.  The only way I would stop being hideous was to travel back to 1984 and implore my parents to put sunscreen on me before being left at an outdoor pool in Depew from sun-up to sun-down for five consecutive summers.

Anyway, I moved on.  I put my hands up, like horse blinders, and shielded myself from the cosmetics section while I frantically searched for cookery.  What I found, instead, was men’s beauty.  It consisted of soap, toothpaste, razors, and vaseline.

Coconut and Palm Sugar Mochi (makes 10)

img_0139.jpgIMG_0140

  • 130 grams glutinous rice flour
  • pinch of salt
  • 7-8 TBS coconut milk
  • 1/4-1/2 tsp coconut/vanilla/green tea extract/pandan-or flavouring of your choice
  • palm sugar (needs to be real palm sugar)  rolled into small marble sized balls (I softened my palm sugar in the microwave to make it easier to manage.)
  • coconut/sesame/crushed peanut/crushed almond, or coating of your choice.  Surprise yourself.
  1. Get a pot of water boiling.
  2. Mix the salt and glutinous rice flour together.
  3. Add the coconut milk, a little at a time, until you have a workable dough.  It should not stick to your hands, but don’t let it get super dry either.
  4. At this point, I weigh my dough, and divide the mixture into 10 equal sized balls.
  5. Now, make sure the water is boiling before you add your filling.  Once you fill your mochi, you want to put it into the boiling water immediately.  Don’t put it down on a plate, as the filling may settle to the bottom, or the dough will stick.
  6. Take your dough ball, make an indent with your thumb, and place your filling inside.  Carefully cover the filling with the dough and roll to make sure it is sealed.
  7. Drop the ball into the boiling water and give a quick stir.
  8. Make the rest of the balls.
  9. The balls are done when the float completely on the surface.  Once they rise, give them an extra 2-3 minutes.
  10. Roll in coating of your choice.
  11. Also, experiment with flavors, fillings, and coatings.  Have it your way, baby!

 

Nutritional Information: (Based on 10)

  • Calories:  120
  • Carbs: 19 grams ( Sugar: 6.2 grams)
  • Fat:  4 grams
  • Protein:  2 grams

 

All Posts, Beauty, Recipes, Soft Porn, Why I'm So Lonely

Pumpkin Donuts and ZZ Top

2 Comments

FullSizeRender 16.jpg

My friend Annie has never heard of the legendary rock group ZZ Top.  How in the H-E-double hockey sticks could something like this happen?  While I’m over fifteen years older than Annie, American, and a dirtbag:  I consider ZZ Top necessary in a young person’s formation of sexual self.  How did Annie figure out what was appealing in a woman without watching the “Legs” makeover montage several times a day between the ages of eight to ten?

Hmm.  It just occurred to me that the British impulse would be to call ZZ Top, “zed zed top,” which is libido crushing, and not very rock and roll.  So, instead of lamenting the cultural divide and sexual miseducation of British youth, I should be kind and introduce them now to what’s important…always pairing stilettos with boner-giving pink ankle socks, and never ever wearing glasses.

Next week: wielding power tools with The Fabulous Thunderbirds in “Tuff Enuff.”

Pumpkin Donuts

FullSizeRender 15.jpg

  • 5 large eggs
  • ½ cup coconut milk
  • ½ cup maple syrup
  • ½ cup pumpkin puree
  • ¼ cup coconut oil, melted
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • ¾ cup almond flour
  • ½ cup coconut flour
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 2 tsp pumpkin pie spice
  • ¼ tsp sea salt
  • the ability to let go of what a donut should taste like
  1. Preheat oven to 350f/180c
  2. Place the eggs, coconut milk, pumpkin puree, maple syrup, coconut oil, and vanilla in a  high speed blender for 15 seconds.
  3. Add the dry ingredients.  Blend on low for 10 seconds, and on high for 20 seconds more.
  4. Fill donut pans 2/3 of the way full.  Cook for 20 minutes, cool for 10, and then frost with the icing of your liking.
  5. These are more like MOIST cake than donut, but it’s still a treat.
All Posts, Beauty, Health, Recipes, Why I'm So Lonely

I guess I’ll file this under “Health” and “Beauty” Gochujang (Korean Hot Pepper Paste)

2 Comments

IMG_8095

Today, I’d like to talk about cold sores.  Otherwise known as “fever blisters” (by people who are in denial that they have cold sores), or “facial herpes” (as my niece keeps reminding me).

Until two blissful years ago, I was a sack of poop who would say something along the lines of, “Gosh, I’ve never had one of those before.” to anyone expressing discomfort at the moistly pulsating scabs on their lips.  Then, I experienced my first cold sore.  The virus must have certainly been there awhile…buried and dormant, like Angelina Jolie’s painfully thin Russian sleeper cell character from the movie “Salt.”  And like the movie, my cold sore sucked something fierce.

It troubled me.  Every conversation I had, whether it was with a family member or total stranger, revolved around my rebirth as a person with a finicky, yet virulent, and contagious facial virus.

“I have a cold sore,” I’d start, making eye contact, hoping they could see beyond my weeping disfigurement through to the same, emotionally-stunted and insecure person I’d always been.

“I have a COLD SORE.”  I’d add, again, when they invariably steered the conversation away from my cold sore.

When all else failed, I’d fire out the question I really wanted to know; “Do you still love me?” (Which was mostly aimed at siblings and ex-boyfriends.)

Surprisingly, most people did not want to be drawn into the drama of discussing my HSV Type 1.  I mean, nobody wanted my face anywhere near them, but they treated it as a temporary disturbance.  On the faux pas scale of “full blown Ayn Rand obsession” to “spinach in the teeth,” the cold sore ranked closer to spinach.  Mostly, people want to talk about themselves, or ride the bus in peace.

Anyway,  I have another one.  I confided to one of my sisters the plan to share my not so secret secret with the three people who read this blog.  She told me, in no uncertain terms, that I should absolutely NOT write about my cold sore on a food blog.  She also said that I was still an attractive person who did not need people knowing all this junk about me.

So…you still love me, right sis?

Without further ado, here’s a recipe for Gochujang

Gochujang (Korean Hot Pepper Paste)

This stuff is great on any meat or vegetable, as a marinade, or mixed with mayo for a delicious dip.

It is a probiotic, which helps with gut health, which may help bolster the immune system of those with AIDS or cold sores.

IMG_6451

  • 1 cup water
  • 3 TBS brown sugar
  • 1/3 cup korean chilli pepper powder
  • 3/4 cup miso
  • 3/4 TBS salt
  • 1 tsp rice vinegar
  1. Sterilise a jar.
  2. Mix water and sugar over a low heat until the sugar is dissolved.
  3. Add the chilli powder and blitz with a stick mixer if you desire a finer texture.
  4. Mix in the miso until fully incorporated.
  5. Add in the salt and rice vinegar.
  6. Taste and adjust seasonings.
  7. Put in the jar and it keeps very well.