*Probably, unfortunately, not real.
How to begin… I’m going to try to tie together the Stormy Daniels (Stephanie Clifford) interview, the “Unbearably Good! MOCHI Lovers’ Cookbook” by Teresa DeVirgilio-Lam, and the POTUS ruining Shark Week.
Hmm. I can’t. Let me tackle these individually.
1.) Stormy Daniels. I will, henceforth, refer to her as Stormy Daniels because, in my opinion, the name Stormy Daniels sounds more legitimate than Stephanie Clifford.
I wasn’t going to watch the interview. I have very little interest in anyone’s sex life, including my own, but I’m also a morbidly curious and disgusting human being. So…I watched it.
You know what? I like her. That woman pulled the short stick in that arrangement, (See what I did there?) which makes it all the more her story to tell. Hopefully, Trump arranges to have his lawyer’s third-cousin’s hairdresser pay Daniels a billion dollars so she won’t be tempted to give us the real, south of the border details. (See what I did there?)
2.) Teresa DeViirgilio-Lam’s cookbook, “Unbearably Good! MOCHI Lovers’ Cookbook,” is a rare treat. Dozens of mochi recipes from around the globe, arranged in a handy spiral-bound notebook showcasing a photo from 1997 of DeVirgilio-Lam and her two-year-old triplets in front of a Christmas tree. In it, she helpfully lists her home address on Honolulu. My good friend Shawn D. has agreed to visit and report back the precise measurement of a ‘can of coconut milk,’ even though it is his least favorite of the islands.
3.) I’m coming to terms with the fact that, just like me, a four-hour documentary on shark attacks gets Donald Trump sexually aroused.
Baked Coconut Mochi with Azuki Beans
- 565 grams glutinous rice flour
- 2 cups brown sugar
- 1 TBS baking soda
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 1 can koshian or tsubushian (mine is 430 grams)
- 800 ml coconut milk
- 400ml water
- kinako or potato starch to dust
- Preheat oven to 350f/175c.
- Grease a 9×13 inch pan.
- Mix rice flour, sugar, and baking soda in a large bowl.
- Add coconut milk and water, and koshian to flour mixture and stir until will incorporated.
- Pour batter into prepared pan and bake for 1 hour.
- Remove from oven and cool.
- Cut into pieces and roll in the kinako or potato starch.
*Listen. This makes so much mochi. I can’t describe it. It’s nuts. It’s like that story about that guy who finds the magic pasta pot and drowns his village in pasta.
Nutritional Information: (1 serving)
- Calories: 6,745
- Fat: 139 grams
- Carbs: 1,180 grams
- Protein: 50 grams
The Lunchadora 