Last Saturday, me and a guy from Thailand sewed a duck’s butt together. It was for a cooking class, but I’m not sure if that detail matters? He was, and remains, a stranger. Yet, we had a moment. He’d just put the final suture in the duck’s backside, and, while I have never cinched anyone’s butt-hole into a water-tight seal…I could tell he’d done a fabulous job. I bit my lower lip in admiration. “You’re very good at this,” I told him, my voice breathy, almost hoarse…I hadn’t realised I’d been holding it. He raised an eyebrow, and gave a playful smile that tuned my face a shade of watermelon. I can’t lie; it was a bit sexual.
The rest of the class was a blur. Our teacher, Ms.******, took turns verbally abusing us…four unsuspecting people whose only crime was a desire to learn authentic Hong Kong cuisine. There were moments I was certain the degradation would spark into something physical, but it never did. Luckily, over the course of the ten-hour day, a warm glaze of Stockholm Syndrome obscured our senses. We learned a variety of Hong Kong Chinese specialties, were berated for our wok skills, and told pretty much everything about our individual cultures, culinary skills, and the way we handled ourselves, was wrong.
It could be the recent shock of settling back into the outside world…perhaps I’m searching for a greater meaning behind what I endured. But I highly recommend Ms.******* classes. The food was delicious, I learned a lot, and it was a memorable experience.
If you’d like to know more about Ms.******* classes, please let me know. I’ll message you privately. She forbids any mention of her classes or recipes on any social media platform, so I’m leaving out identifying details purposely. As you can imagine, I am terrified of disobeying her any more than I already have.
Roast Duck-The Pitiful Lunchadora Way
*This is not Ms.*******’s recipe. She would be horrified to be associated with this. I thought it was fine. But, I’m a maggot.
- 1.2 kg duck
- salt
- five-spice
- fresh ginger
- Preheat the oven to 170c/340f.
- Rub the duck with lots of salt, inside and out.
- Add a bit of five spice powder if you have it.
- Slice some ginger and put in the cavity of the duck.
- Place the duck on a wire rack in a roasting tin.
- Cook for around 2 hours.
- The leg meat will pull off the bone when it’s ready.
- The skin should be crisp, and you can turn the heat up to 200c/400f for a short while until it’s really crispy.
- Serve with cucumber, spring onion, and hoisin sauce.
*Done two ways, both great.
The Lunchadora 