Well, Happy Chinese New Year!  It’s the year of the Rooster.  I don’t know what that means for all of us, but I bought a golden chicken icon to worship just in case.

I found the statue yesterday as I explored Chinatown looking for some ornaments to buy for a  New Year’s party I’m throwing.  It’s a celebration for me and several four year olds, so it’s going to be totally baller.  Sorry, you can’t come.

Anyway, on a strange whim, I decided on a foot massage at an establishment that claimed it did not mind performing foot massages.  Now, a Dutch guy I know once said, (of visiting the red light district) “It’s nothing.  It’s like changing your shirt.”  I still don’t know what the hell he meant by that, but I am now aware of what it’s like to pay someone for a totally soulless experience.

To make a long, boring, and pointless story short, the woman put on a pair of plastic gloves and weakly massaged my feet for half an hour.  Listen, I’m well aware my lot in life is not a difficult one…but until a person reluctantly caresses you with gloves normally reserved for rolling burritos…well, lets just say, it’s a brand new experience.

But, then I came home and made this salad.

Chinese Cucumber Salad

• 1 large cucumber, smashed and cut into bite size pieces
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 tsp sugar
• 1 TBS rice vinegar
• 1 tsp sesame oil
• 1 tsp soy sauce
• 1/2 TBS avocado oil
• 1/2 garlic clove, pressed
• red pepper flakes-to taste
• sesame seeds-to taste

1. Place the cucumber in a colander and salt.
2. Leave to sit for 15-20 minutes
3. Squeeze out as much liquid as possible.
4. Add the remaining ingredients.
5. Chill.