Today is tense. I keep trying to pretend that nothing is happening, but every five minutes or so I feel like I’ve accidentally posted a naked picture of myself to Facebook. Absolute panic. This election sucks.
But, I keep reminding myself, tomorrow is a new day. No matter what, the Chinese will be ruling the world shortly. I will focus my energies on learning Mandarin, researching the best-looking cult leaders, and where to buy Korean skincare brands at the most affordable prices.
Good luck everyone. Hopefully we can all shut up tomorrow regardless of the outcome.
Now, let’s all practice saying this together….
我是你的奴隶
Wǒ shì nǐ de núlì
Backbreaking Bread
Because we may be headed back to the era where a woman is expected to bake fresh loaves of bread for her 6 sons and large-boned husband on a daily basis, I’ve included this recipe. Beware, it is not exactly like bread. It’s almost cake-like in consistency, but it does the trick when you want a gluten-free and healthy sandwich bread. You are far more likely to get beaten by male members of your family when serving this bread, but (let’s be honest here) you kind of deserve it anyway.
- 8 eggs
- 1 cup coconut milk
- 4 tsp apple cider vinegar
- 3 cups raw cashews
- 2 tsp baking soda
- 1 tsp fine salt
- 7 TBS coconut flour
- Preheat the oven to 325f/160c.
- Place a heatproof bowl of water filled two inches high at the bottom of the oven.
- Grease a loaf pan and line with baking paper.
- Add all the ingredient minus the coconut flour to a high speed mixer.
- Process on low for 15 seconds, then process on high for 30 seconds. Process another 30 seconds until completely smooth.
- Add the coconut flour and process again for another 30 seconds.
- Pour the mixture into the prepared loaf tin and bake 50-60 minutes until a cake tester comes out clean.
- Enjoy it the best you can in a world where you aren’t allowed to make a decision about anything ever again.
The Lunchadora 