Fundraising is awesome. I stand by that. Only a monster could have a beef with gathering capital for worthy causes. As it turns out, I have a monster for a friend. He said he’s tired of emails from old university chums and work colleagues asking for handouts so they can bungee jump in Costa Rica, or run marathons dressed as gorillas. “These are all excitement or self-improvement based activities,” he explained, “if they really want my money they’ll do something degrading.”
Reluctantly, I will admit he has a point. I briefly considered fundraising to enter the Boston Marathon, but realised it was mostly because there was no chance in hell I’d ever make the qualifying time on my own. However, I must hold fast in my respect for marathons and ultras. It is not easy work. I’m happy to give a fiver. But, jumping off a bridge in Hawaii? Eat me.
I would’t say I’m a bad person, but I can’t stop fantasising about the fundraising events I wish were commonplace:
- Performing at an open-mic comedy night with no pre-prepared routine.
- £2 per slice of uncooked pancetta consumed.
- Allowing a three year old to design/select forearm tattoo.
- Watching “Moonraker” every single day for a month.
- Going door to door to sing Bel Biv Devoe’s “Poison”.
I don’t think these will happen any time soon, but I want to put it out there that I have a deep pocket for anyone willing to take it to the next level.
Or you can sell Girl Scout cookies. I have a deep pocket for those too.
Girl Scout Cookies-Samoa Edition
- 3/4 cup walnuts and pecans
- 3/4 cup almond flour
- 3/4 cup unsweetened shredded coconut
- 2 Tablespoons ground flax seeds
- ½ teaspoon cinnamon
- scant ½ teaspoon baking soda
- ¼ teaspoon coarse salt
- 10-12 large pitted medjool dates, soaked to soften if needed (and drained)
- 1 large egg
- ¼ cup honey
- ½ teaspoon vanilla
- ¼ cup butter or coconut oil, melted and slightly cooled
- ½ cup chocolate chips, melted, for decoration
- Preheat the oven to 350f/180c, and line a baking tray with parchment paper.
- Blitz the nuts into a smallish meal.
- Combine the nuts, almond flour, coconut, flax, cinnamon, baking soda and salt in a bowl and mix.
- Mix the egg, honey, vanilla and melted fat in a blender and blitz until smooth.
- Pour the honey mixture over the nut minute and mix until combined.
- Shape into small donuts and cook for 15-18 minutes.
- When completely cool, drizzle with melted chocolate.
- Allow the chocolate to set before you eat half the batch.
- Fuck my tits, these cookies are good.
The Lunchadora 
These look wonderful (ok, the coconut isn’t for me) and would be the perfect remedy for Mark’s sweet tooth and post op narcotic whoa
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