* I don’t.  I take rejection as an opportunity to eat seven Almond Joys and cry in the shower.

Just like love, rejection comes in all shapes and sizes.  Once, a man came over, chatted to me for a few minutes, then politely excused himself saying, “I was going to ask you out, but your arms are very hairy.”  Or the man I was madly in love with who broke up with me every three weeks for over a year.  Then there was the blind date who, moments after meeting me, pulled our mutual friend into the kitchen and loudly complained, “You said she was hot…come on man, I used to date an Eden Corn Festival Queen!”

I’m fickle too.  I only managed two dates with the guy who jumped into my car at a red light as I was on my way to my sister’s house to return her “Playboy’s Women over 40” VHS tape.  He seemed nice enough, but everyone was creeped out whenever I explained how we met.  And then there was the cousin of a friend who kept taking me to Sabres games and the Olive Garden, even though I told him I wasn’t interested in romance.  It was awkward and uncomfortable.  I was naive enough to think he enjoyed spending time with a girl he had no chance of penetrating, and he never gave up hope there’d be penetration.  The relationship didn’t give either of us any satisfaction or joy, and it remains, to this day, the healthiest one I’ve ever had.

Anyway, rejection sucks.  And it is a far better feeling to reject someone than it is to be at the receiving end of rejection.  So, I reject you Patrick Wilson.  Sure, you may argue that you have no clue who I am, but none of that even matters because you don’t have a shot with me.  It is better this way.  You have a beautiful wife and some kids…I think.  This whole ordeal might sting for a bit, but it is nothing compared to the annoyance of you having to one day file a restraining order against me.

Plantain Tacos

Imagine you are stuffing your rejection inside a nice plantain taco.  Wrap it up, eat the sorrow, and never think of it again.  Bon apetit.

• 1 pound chopped green plantains
• 1/3 cup avocado oil
• 1/3 cup water
• 1 teaspoon sea salt
• 1 teaspoon baking powder (optional)

1. Preheat oven to 205c/400F
2. Arrange racks in the middle of the oven. Line two baking sheets with parchment paper.
3. Put all the ingredients in a Vitamix and blend to a very smooth puree.
4. Make as many 6 inch circles as you can, around 1/4 inch thick.  I get about 8.
5. Cook for 10 minutes, switch around the trays and cook for another 10-15 minutes, until a little brown in spots.
6. They freeze very well.