Happy belated Valentine’s Day.  Hope you all got more lasagna dinners, spray painted t-shirts and bouquets of carnations than you could shake a stick at.

I have gone on approximately eight dates in my entire life.  Not to brag, but I don’t waste time.  I am an ace at quickly convincing a man who is down on his luck to begin an intense, years-long, mutually-unbenefitial romance.   And despite never actually experiencing a Valentine’s date at a restaurant with cloth napkins or seafood on the menu, I still set my expectations sky-high.  The closest I’ve come to the dream was takeaway from a rib shack, and a viewing of “Detroit Rock City” where, halfway through, my date suggested I perform fellatio.

Yet, it remains my fifth favourite holiday.  Perhaps it is that I’ve been conditioned to the possibility that something wonderful and out of the ordinary could happen.  Romantic comedies are full of surprises.  A homely girl only has to take off her glasses and get a perm to become beautiful.  Molly Ringwald has the worst resting bitchface in the universe, but somehow Jake Ryan shows up at her house in a red sportscar and they french-kiss over a flaming birthday cake.  Time and time again it is shown (a la “The Breakfast Club,” “Harold and Maude,” and “Let the Right One In”) that unmitigated rewards will be given to those who engage in voluntary sexual intercourse with troubled loners.

Believe me, I’ve paid my dues.  Fingers crossed for next year.

Wobbly Jelly Blood Hearts

• 4 Cups unsweetened fruit juice.  I like cherry and grape together.  It’s real good.
• 3 TBS Gelatin.  I use Great Lakes.  It’s reassuringly expensive.
• Honey to taste.  You don’t need to add any, but a tablespoon or two transforms the jello into something people want to eat.

1. Take one cup of juice and sprinkle the gelatin over it.  Set it aside.
2. Place the remaining juice over medium heat for 10 minutes.  Don’t boil.
3. Whisk the hot juice into the blooming gelatin mixture until smooth.
4. Pour into a dish and allow to set in the refrigerator.  Cut out cool shapes of cars and single serve TV dinners.