*This movie is messed up.  Honestly.  Think about it.

What’s your breaking point?  Say you’re being interrogated- what could you withstand before spilling the goods?  Not to brag, but I’m pretty good at letting people kick the shit out of me.  My brother and sister taught me that just when you think can’t take any more kidney shots, you can be forced to eat some dog food.

I’m sure John and Bridget wouldn’t appreciate me going into all the gritty details of their methods.  They are now both well respected members of their communities, who probably don’t want their childhood sadism outlined in their little sister’s blog.  Besides, talking about it gives me a faraway look that lasts for days and days.  And they have both said “sorry” in a way that makes it clear that I’m partially responsible for the abuse I suffered …so really, water under the bridge.

I don’t know if it was my mistreatment as a child, or simply my personality, but I’m a real pleaser.  It makes me happy to make other people feel nice.  I mostly accomplish this through preparing hearty meals for friends and sending fan mail to men in prison.  There are pluses and minuses in seeking external validation.  A big minus is that somebody else has to tell me when I’ve succeeded.  A big plus is that within five minutes of a bank robbery, I would most certainly develop Stockholm Syndrome and endear myself to my captor.  And, if I ever was kidnapped and tortured, there’d be no doubt in my mind the person pulling out my fingernails was doing it only because he or she really loved me…

Without further ado, a nice meal to serve your favourite captor.

Stockholm Syndrome Swedish Meatballs

• 2 TBS butter divided
• 1 TBS olive oil
• 1 onion, minced
• 1 lb/450g minced beef
• 1 lb/450g minced pork
• 1 tsp sea salt
• 1 cup cream divided
• 1/2 cup ground almonds
• 1 egg
• 1/4 tsp nutmeg
• 1/4 tsp allspice
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp cream of tartar
• 1/4 tsp white or black pepper
• 3 TBS rice flour
• 1 cup beef broth
• 1/2 TBS honey
• 1 bay leaf
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/4 tsp white pepper
• Ikea lingonberry jam (optional)

MEATBALLS

1. Preheat the oven to 375 F/180 C.
2. Saute onion in 1 TBS butter and 1 TBS olive over medium heat until softened.  Allow to cool slightly.
3. Meanwhile mix together the meats, salt, 1/2 cup cream, almond meal, egg, nutmeg, allspice, baking soda, cream of tartar and black pepper.  Mix it real good and incorporate the onion.
4. Roll into smallish balls.  Think 1.5 tablespoon balls.
5. Arrange on a wire rack over a foil lined baking tray and bake for 20 to 25 minutes, until cooked through and lightly browned.

GRAVY

1. While the meatballs are cooking, make your gravy
2. Heat the remaining 1 TBS butter over medium heat and stir in the rice flour.  Toast until nice and golden…around 2 minutes.
3. Stir in the broth, honey and bay leaf.  Simmer for 3 minutes and add more broth if the gravy gets too thick.
4. Season with the salt and white pepper.
5. Remove from the heat and stir in the 1/2 cup remaining cream.
6. I also like to stir in the juices from the meatball tray because I am a depraved animal.

I like to serve this with mash and lingonberry jam.  Pretend you’re duct-taped to a pine skogsta dining chair…smaklig maltid!