The eve of 2016 sounded in a New Year that promises to be both great and odd.  I drank half a bottle of Zubrowka, ate unpalatable homemade pork rinds, and watched Slap Shot with my parents until 3am.  I told my brother’s boss not to leave before midnight because “shit’s probably going to get weird,” and I called my seventeen year old niece a dick on Facebook.   I accomplished all this while dressed as 1950’s housewife…success?

I did not wake into a brave new world.  I turned from the sun like a creature that lures children into the woods to devour their souls, and then ruefully examined my outbox to see what damage I’d done.  But, it was the first day of a new year, so I turned myself around and went for a run.  That was my only accomplishment.

The rest of the day was a painful haze.  I watched Slap Shots again.  Ate approximately fifty chicken wings and tried to remember the last time I’d been proud of myself.  Then…I watched Rocky for the first time.

I didn’t know.  I had no clue.  It is THE anthem for lonely losers.  How did my high school guidance counsellor let me graduate without seeing this film?  The scene where he locks Adrian in his crappy apartment, offers her some donuts and takes off his shirt, symbolically  baring his soul, well…I identified more than I liked with his neediness.  “HEY PAULIE! YOUR SISTER’S WITH ME! I’LL CALL YOU LATER!” I played it cool in front of my family, but by the end I was a sobbing mess on the inside.  All he wanted was to go the distance. I’m so glad he did.

God, I’m crying again.

Rib-Cracking Bolognese 

Did Rocky ruin all those slabs of beef, or did he make them better?  I’m not sure, but I do know this beef tastes better when you cook the fuck out of it.

• 2 leeks finely chopped
• 4 carrots finely chopped
• 4 sticks celery finely chopped
• 2 Tbs olive oil
• 1.5 tsp salt
• pepper to taste
• 1 lb (450g) ground pork
• 1 lb (450g)  ground beef
• 1 cup dry red wine
• 1 cup coconut milk
• 750g (28oz) tomato passata
• 2 cups chicken stock
• Optional-a couple tablespoons of pate to stir in at the end.  It gives it a nice organ-meaty taste…if you like that sort of thing.

1. Normally, I start by putting my carrots in a food processor and then adding in the leeks and celery and chopping until fine.
2. Heat the olive oil and cook the carrot, leek and celery base in with 1 tsp of the salt for 5-10 minutes.
3. Turn the heat up and add your pork and beef.  Cook all the way through until brown and caramelised. It adds flavour.
4. Deglaze with the red wine.  Pour it in and get all the bits off the bottom.  Let it cook for a minute or two.
5. Add the stock, tomato and coconut milk and bring to a boil.
6. Turn the heat to low and cook for four hours.  Keep the lid a bit off centre.
7. If it sticks, add some stock a half a cup at a time.
8. Season with extra salt and pepper if you wish.

This freezes well for single serve portions, and has lots of protein for the Italian Stallion that lives inside each and every one of us.

It’s real good.