As much as I hate Christmas, I love New Year’s.  Not the party on the 31st where you drink too much Genny Cream Ale and make out with a Depew cop…I mean the austere first day of a brand new year.  What joy to wake into a fresh world, reborn and clean!  If you choose, you can draw that hazy and unfocused gem of yourself from the ether of your mind’s eye and shine it through redemption, toil and self-discovery.  Or, you can eat four frozen toaster strudels and watch “Road Trip” in your panties.

2016 Goals:

1. Get my UK Driving Licence.
2. Perform at least one pull-up.
3. One month of Whole Food 30.
4. Learn to sew.
5. Write for thirty minutes a day.
6. Commitment to 4 days a week of exercise.
7. Run the Buffalo Marathon.
8. Tell my shrink what those voices in my head are really saying.
9. Yoga once a week.
10. Floss twice a day. Real dental floss.  Not just that pipe cleaner bullshit.
11. Read two books a month.

****BONUS**** Learn to play the accordion just to be super fucking weird and annoying.

This is a lot to shoot for, and normally I don’t nail down my resolutions so firmly.  I always hope that fantasies such as, “be happy,” and “look more like Daisy Fuentes,” will land in my lap.  But, I am being proactive this time around.  I have a whole other list of personal goals too.  These mostly involve my FB addiction and an oath not to watch certain porn genres anymore.  I feel like I’m going to make it.  Things are gonna’ change.  I’m a winner.  But it won’t be easy.

“If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail.” Benjamin Franklin

He’s right motherlickers.  I’m planning ahead.  You too.

Thai Prawn Omelette

This is quick and easy.  Have the ingredients on hand and this will fill you up so you don’t give up in the first few hours.  It’s so easy to say “fuck it” and wash down chunks of walnut fudge with a tequila mimosa.

• 100 grams prawns
• 2 sliced spring onions
• 2 eggs
• 1 tsp fish sauce
• 1/2 tsp apple cider vinegar
• 1 Tbs tapioca flour
• 2 tsp coconut oil

1. First, cook the prawns and spring onions in 1 tsp of the coconut oil.  Remove from the pan, and set aside.
2. Whisk the eggs, fish sauce, apple cider vinegar and tapioca flour until completely combined.
3. Heat the remaining coconut oil over medium-high high heat.  When the pan is smoking, pour the eggs in and cook for a minute until well set.
4. Sprinkle on the prawns and spring onions and flip the omelette.  Cook for another minute.
5. Serve with homemade mayonnaise, hot sauce and sliced avocado.  Delicious.