The Inuits have over two hundred words to describe snow (not actually true, but let’s pretend). The Korean word “Jeong” is complicated, but is the expression of love, affection, melancholy and longing for the past. Cher’s “If I Could Turn Back Time” fits the bill. The German word “kumerspeck” translates to excess weight from emotional overeating, or “bacon grief.” There is beauty in simple expression, and I feel the English language is missing many important concepts. At least for my needs.
There are many times I cannot find the words for:
- The WTF of when a first cousin hits on you at a Phish concert.
- Feeling like a failure after a dental appointment.
- Hating “Family Circus” cartoons so much that you get a perverse sense of joy from reading them.
- Urgently needing to poop at a crowded house party.
- Having to abandon a masturbation session because, instead of Star Wars era Harrison Ford, you keep seeing the image of the kid you had a crush on in 8th grade…as he WAS in the 8th grade.
- Accepting a date with your snowboarding instructor and then remembering you’re married.
Now, I will leave you with something that doesn’t taste good, is wonderful for you, and fits a copious amount of vegetables into a couple of pint glasses. There is no word I can find for this one. So, hmmm…vegturdfull?
Vegturdfull Smoothie
I have one of these every single day. The taste is not so great, but it is not awful either. About ten minutes after you finish it, you’ll feel like you can wrestle an orangutang and win. Try one for yourself!
- 1 cup coconut water
- 1/2 avocado
- 1 TBS chia seeds
- small knob of ginger
- 2 TBS sauerkraut
- 1 cup spinach
- 1/2 juiced lime
- 3 inches of cucumber
- *any other stuff you have that is not too hideous.
Toss it all in your high speed blender, and puree that mess into oblivion. Drink it down quickly, without thought. If you focus your energy on it, it will suddenly have power over you. Do not let it win.
The Lunchadora 