A few months ago I ran into an old high school track buddy.  I always love seeing Amy and happily introduced her to my sister saying, “I love this girl…soooo fun.  One time we went to Pizza Hut and made our waiter cry.”  I looked to Amy, smiling and expectant.  I wondered what fun and zany story about the two of us she’d come up with for her friend.  She went off piste. “Ha! This girl.  When we’d go on distance runs, she’d always have to stop to poop.  One time when she was working at ****** ****, she accidentally drooled into a burrito but served it anyway.”  I was touched she was able to capture my essence so succinctly for a complete stranger, but it was awkward because we were eating at Chipotle.

Anyway, seeing Amy made me remember what fun running used to be. I mean, not because I was ever any good. Children under nine, and a curmudgeonly nonagenerian have served me my ass on a plate.  I have the gait of a sexually experienced chicken, and towards the end of long runs I become disoriented and aggressive.  But, I like it.  After going back and forth, I entered the Buffalo Marathon.  It was not a decision made lightly. Marathon training sucks away time and any hope of a social life, and my hair will smell like an armpit because I am too lazy to wash it more than once a week. The stakes are high, but I long to feel smug again.

*Also, congratulations to my brother on his first half-marathon!  He did great. But, what is not great is that he saw a man at the finish line in a skin-tight Jolly Green Giant suit, showcasing a massive penis..and John DID NOT SHOW HIM TO ME. Not cool, John. Not cool.

Anyway, here’s a recipe for quick energy after a tough workout.

Non-Constipating Protein Bars

I once knew a guy who decided to eat only PowerBars for a week.  He lost the ability to poop for an uncomfortable amount of time.  These protein bars won’t do you like that.  In fact, don’t eat too many at once, okay?  They are calorific and fibre dense. But don’t be afraid…just respect them.

• 2 cups/300 grams sunflower seeds
• 2 cups/200 grams unsweetened desiccated coconut
• 1 cup/240 grams coconut oil melted
• 1 1/2 cups/ 150 grams collagen peptides
• 1/2 cup/150 grams maple syrup
• 1 tsp salt
• 2 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 cup/180 grams dairy free, organic, soya free chocolate chips.  Or, bugger it…use what you have.

1. Combine sunflower seeds, desiccated coconut and coconut oil in a Vitamix (or other high powered blender), and process until smooth.
2. Scrape the coconut and seed butter into a bowl and add the collagen peptides, salt, maple syrup and vanilla.  Mix thoroughly.
3. Add in the chocolate chips, and spread onto a baking tray and chill in the refrigerator for 20-30 minutes.
4. Cut into desired squares and store in the refrigerator.

I take them out of the refrigerator 10-15 minutes before I want to eat them, as they taste better at room temperature.

*This makes a butt-load. Freeze some.